Kitty
by Starsky's Strut
Summary: Whenever Starsky and Hutch go camping, bad thing happen.
1. Kitty

All usual disclaimers apply, I don't own the rights, I don't get money and this is for entertainment only. Please excuse any errors, they are entirely mine. This is my first attempt at this...  
  
Kitty  
By Starsky's Strut  
  
Starsky and Hutch go camping.  
  
"Insert rod though tent loops (see figure B), Where the hell is figure B?" Damn, I knew I shoulda put this thing up at home once before bringing it here." Hutch muttered to himself, a pile of tent material at his feet and various parts were scattered about the log on which he sat.  
  
"Here kitty"  
  
"Ah, figure B, connect shaft with ties (see tying ties – figure D)..." Hutch scratched his head with his right hand as he looked about for the rest of the instructions  
  
"Kitty, Kitty"  
  
"Where is figure D? Oh, here it is"  
  
"Kitty, hey Hutch! Come look at this cat"  
  
"I'm busy Starsk, I gotta get this tent up before dark" Hutch threw over his shoulder. "Stakes, stakes, where did I put those tent stakes... Hey Starsk, how's the firewood collecting?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"FIRE WOOD Gordo! How much do ya got?"  
  
"Uh, some" Starsky hedged. "Hey kitty, you're a long way from civilization, hmm, like me" He smiled ruefully as he crouched down and extended his hand toward the cat.  
  
"Oh, COME on Starsky! It gets cold in the mountains at night, we're gonna need more then 'some' " Hutch snapped.  
  
"Hey kitty, wanna come back to camp with me? We're gonna have smores and hotdogs – in that order." Starsky said with a twinkle in his eyes and using his most charming smile.  
  
'Push down on shaft while lifting on tent material, making sure to ease the tent lines through the loops... Oh, yeah, that's as clear as mud! I knew I shoulda rented a cabin but NOOOO, I gotta save money, far cheaper to buy a tent. What was I thinking? Oh, yeah, the stupid LTD's fuel pump went out and POOF! There goes the cabin money!' Hutch gave up on the tent for a few seconds to look around to see what his partner was up to. Eying the stone-ringed fire pit he noticed that there were just a few branches piled next to it.  
  
"STARSKY! What the hell are you doing! Where's the rest of the firewood?"  
  
"Hutch! Over here!"  
  
Hutch looked over to the edge of the small clearing to see Starsky kneeling down next to a small bush. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Hey, come here Hutch, you gotta see this c-"  
  
"Dammit Starsk!" Hutch cut his friend off "It's going to get dark soon and there is nowhere near enough wood to cook with let alone..." Hutch had been advancing on Starsky's position and could now see what Starsky was looking at. "Starsky, get up S L O W L Y" Hutch cautioned.  
  
"What?" Starsky turned his head to look at Hutch. "Do you see the kitty, Hutch? It must have gotten lost... Hey, what's wrong?" Starsky noticed that the expression on his friends face had gone from annoyed to slightly fearful.  
  
"That's NOT a CAT, Starsky" Hutch whispered.  
  
"Whadda mean 'it's not a cat'? I DO know what cats look like. There are plenty in the city, ya know" Starsky said, a bit miffed.  
  
"It's a SKUNK!" Hutch quietly asserted.  
  
"It's got SPOTS Hutch. Skunks have stripes down their back." Starsky was proud of his reasoning.  
  
"That's because it's a SPOTTED SKUNK" Hutch hissed through clenched teeth as he edged away.  
  
"Never heard of such a thing." Starsky scoffed.  
  
"Well, there's lots of stuff YOU'VE never heard of, but it's true, now ease away before it sprays you" Hutch continued to step back.  
  
"If it's a skunk, how come I don't smell any... sniff Eewww! It IS a skunk!" Starsky started to jump up but tripped. And he landed on the skunk. "SHIT! I'm hit! Hutch!"  
  
"Dammit Starsky!" Hutch moved towards his friend for a step or two and then thought the better of it. "How bad is it?"  
  
"Od am it! I'm 'it in the 'est and I can't breed! Od, this really 'inks! Ad" Starsky turned to Hutch, tears streaming down his face. "I an't ee any 'ing"  
  
"Whoa buddy, not too close! Yuck! You smell just terrible!"  
  
"Ee, I 'indent 'ink I 'meld 'ood" Starsky dabbed at his weepy eyes. "Utch, ya got yer 'un?"  
  
"Uh, why, you gonna shoot that poor skunk for defending it's self against an ignorant city boy?"  
  
"Ope."  
  
"Whadda want my gun for?"  
  
"I'm 'onna 'oot 'ou fer 'alkin' ee in ta 'amping again!" He growled  
  
"Now Starsk..." Hutch started backing away, making sure keep his gun safely holstered.  
  
"Oh 'Utch"  
  
"Uh, yeah, Starsk"  
  
"It's a 'ood 'ing 'at 'ee 'ought 'our 'ar"  
  
"SHIT! My CAR!"  
  
"Yeah, 'IT!" Starsky snapped. ""Ive 'ee 'ome 'Utch"  
  
"Double SHIT!"  
  
"Oh 'Uuutch"  
  
Hutch dropped his head to his chest. "Yeah?"  
  
"I'm 'EVER, EVER 'amping again!"  
  
TBC

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	2. Kitty Chapter 2

Kitty Chapter 2  
  
After collecting their gear and Starsky, having changed out of his ruined cloths and into his spare set, sadly burned the now formally favorite shirt and blue jeans. The pair proceeded to trek out of the woods to Hutch's LTD. In the now pitch darkness of the mountain woods.  
  
"Whew! Could you stay back a few more feet?"  
  
"No! I 'an't 'ee 'othin', 'ou got the light" Starsky bit out. "Eyes are s'ill 'earing up, 'am 'it!" He hated talking with his nose all clogged up. Made him sound stupid. He rubbed at his eyes, they were weeping worse then any time that he cut onions. Hutch had said that that would go away. 'When dammit?!' That's all Starsky wanted to know.  
  
"Oh, yeah. Heh, heh, yeah, I have the flashlight. Sorry" Hutch apologized. 'Oops. He's still mad. Geez, he really reeks!' Hutch's mind was going. How was he going to get Starsky home? Tie him to the top of the LTD? The skunk's musk had gone straight through Starsky's cloths and permeated his skin and hair. Skunk musk is very difficult to get rid of. 'I wonder if that thing about tomato soup really works? Who would you call to ask? Forest ranger? Vet?'  
  
"OUCH!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I sad 'OUCH' 'nod 'Utch, 'Ammit" Starsky sniffled and reached down to rub a now sore shin bone. "I 'ust tripped ober an'ther 'og" Shid!" The woods seemed to dislike Starsky and much as he disliked it. What, with bears and rattlesnakes and now skunks, the woods were out to get him. Only Hutch, damn him, could have EVER have talked him into returning. Never again though. This was his absolute LAST camping trip. Hutch or no Hutch. Period. Exclamation point. He would personally make Hutch as miserable has he was right now to insure that fact.  
  
"Well, are you ok?" 'Damn! Why did I ask him that! Now he's gonna...'  
  
"S'all 'our 'ault!" Starsky snapped, winding up for a tantrum of epic and (he knew) childish proportions. He kicked the poor defenseless log that he had just barked his shin on. "OUCH!" Now his toes hurt! "Arrguhhhh!" He hopped a couple steps and shook it off.  
  
'Yep, I knew it'. "My fault! How is your being sprayed by a SKUNK that YOU thought was a CAT my FAULT?!" Hutch was getting more then a little tired of this one track conversation.  
  
"'OU 'alked 'ee inta 'amping!" Starsky dabbed at his streaming eyes "AGAIN! 'Ow much furder ta the 'ar?"  
  
Hutch pinched the bridge of his nose; he didn't think he could take much more of the Starsky version of 'Are-We-There-Yet?' "Just about a mile." 'Oh, God! Just kill me. I can not take another mile of this! Lightning! Yeah, God, just hit me with lightning! Or else I'm gonna have to use my gun! It's him or me, God!' Hutch prayed silently.  
  
Poor Hutch. Sometimes God listens to un-meant prayers and he has a wicked sense of humor, called hubris. Thunder rolled and clouds began to sweep the skies.  
  
Hutch heard the thunder and felt a migraine coming on. If there was one thing worse smelling then skunk, it was WET skunk. Wet Starsky Skunk. DAMN. 'I didn't mean it, God, honest! I take it back!'  
  
Thunder rolled. God's laughter?  
  
"'Utch! It's gonna rain!" Could this trip get any WORSE?  
  
"Way to state the obvious, Gordo!"  
  
"'Utch, 'ow buch ferder?"  
  
'God... Uh, never mind' "Hey! Look Starsk! The parking lot, dead ahead!" 'Thank you God!' No rain yet! Almost to the car! He broke into a jog. Hutch glanced pleadingly at the sky. Hutch wasn't normally religious, but this was getting just a little too weird.  
  
"Yippy!" Starsky was never happier as he trotted to catch up to his partner and the comfort that the LTD offered. Back to civilization! Yeah!  
  
The rain came down in sheets. Within a few strides, they were both soaked to the skin.  
  
"Awww, man!" Hutch's head dropped to his chest and he stopped jogging and simply walked back to the LTD, defeated.  
  
Starsky walked along side Hutch and pointed at his friend's down turned face, "Dis id an'ther fine 'ess 'ou gotten 'ee into!" And so saying, trotted the rest of the way to the car. He hopped up on the hood with a wicked smile and watched his demoralized friend drag himself the rest of the way to the car.  
  
Hutch ambled up to the car. The rain stopped. He dropped his head and slowly shook it back and forth. Sometimes you just have to wonder about coincidences like that. Retrieving the keys he opened the passenger door for Starsky, who flashed him a grin and threw his backpack into the back seat and plopped himself down in the car. Hutch sighed and opened the trunk and threw the rest of the gear into a haphazard pile. He opened the driver's side and a familiar blare of car horn echoed through the parking lot. He slammed the door shut, cutting off the sound. The car windows were shut. Starsky's new scent was immediately and noticeably overwhelming. They looked at each other and rolled the windows down in record time.  
  
Hutch pulled out of the lot and both men had their heads out side of the car, like a pair of dogs trying to catch all the forest smells. Or, in this case, any scent but Starsky's.  
  
"I should tie you to the roof, Starsk, old buddy"  
  
"Yeah, 'bud 'den 'ou wodn't 'ab 'ee 'o 'alk 'o" Starsky grinned at him. "It's gonna be 'ours be 'or 'ee get 'ome. 'Ou wod get 'only wid 'oud 'ee'"  
  
"Stuff it!"  
  
Starsky just smiled wider and enjoyed the fresh air. Until the rain started. Again. "'Ammit!" Starsky rolled his window up to nearly the top; he then craned his head up and stuck his nose outside as best he could.  
  
Hutch merely gripped the steering wheel harder and resolutely left his window down. Sure, his car would get wet inside, but it beat passing out from the stench. He started watching for a town. He would get his partner a motel room and as much tomato soup, or sauce, or whatever it took to get rid of that smell. He was determined.  
  
It was late by now. Hutch had forgotten that small towns tended to pretty much close down by 10 p.m., it was now 11:30 p.m.. They had passed through several small towns trying to find one that had an open grocery store AND a motel. How hard should that have been? Very hard, as it turns out. Hutch was close to just settling for a motel – with separate rooms, he was NOT going to spend any more time in the same vicinity as his poor stinky friend if he could help it. Hutch pulled into yet one more gas station to ask if THIS town had both store and motel, but he would settle for motel. He steeled himself for the looks he would get. His clothing was still wet, damn intermit rain! And he was beginning to suspect that he now smelled too.  
  
The farm boy in him remembered "The Barn Effect". The Barn Effect is simply that it doesn't matter how brief a time you enter and exit a barn, you are going to smell like whatever is kept in that barn. It doesn't matter if you just showered and your cloths are clean. You go into a barn for just a SECOND, and you come out stinking to high heaven. It gets into your cloths and hair. So, it stood to reason, being in a car with his best stinky buddy, his friend, giving man that Starsk is, had gifted him with skunk musk. Ode de la Peppy Le Phew. 'Dammit all!'  
  
"Hey pal!" He hollered to the sleepy gas station attendant as he tapped on the glass.  
  
Red rimmed eyes rolled in the direction of the taps on the glass. The attendant raised his head to look at the man doing the tapping. A tall, blond man, soaked to the skin, kinda un-kept (messy hair and rumpled cloths) and driving a piece-o-crap LTD. That's how he would describe it to police some time later. Oh, and don't forget the skunk smell. I mean, who could forget that? Whew! Nasty!  
  



	3. Kitty Chapter 3

Kitty Chapter #3  
  
Starsky was in the restroom washing his hair in yet another sink. Hutch had told him that he would have to shave his head to get rid of the odor. There was no way that he was gonna let that happen. So he was at it again. Hutch had gotten some shampoo at one gas station; it turned out to be "girl" shampoo. His hair smelled like flowers AND skunk. Or, more precisely, skunky flowers. Damn Hutch. Starsky just hated it when Hutch played those types of jokes on him. So, here he was, washing his hair with hand soap in one more backwater town's only gas station, trying desperately to get rid of not only skunk but now a "girly" flower scent. He looked at his reflection in the dirty, cracked mirror, reflections didn't stink. He shook his head. Too bad that wasn't currently his condition. He shrugged, exited the restroom and trotted back to the LTD.  
  
"Hey Starsk," Hutch called to Starsky as he walked back to the car after talking to the attendant and getting some good news, a nearby motel.  
  
"Yeah, Blintz?"  
  
"You using bleach on your hair?"  
  
"Whadda mean?"  
  
"I think it's getting lighter"  
  
"WHAT!" Starsky yelped. He pulled a curl down to look at it in the dim light of the parking lot. His hair was still dark brown "Smart ass!" he snapped and hopped back into the car.  
  
Hutch pulled out of the lot and informed his partner that there was a motel near by. "I am glad to hear that you aren't talking like you have a bad cold anymore"  
  
And he was, it had been damned difficult figuring out what Starsky had been talking about half the time. Lord knows his friend had said plenty tonight. Hutch had either ignored his friend or grunted noncommittally at some of his incomprehensible speech. Normally, if Starsky was sick, he could understand him but the clogged up, not sick Starsky, with his nearly non stop talking, had been almost impossible to decipher. Though the just of what was being said had to do with NEVER entering the woods again. Hutch knew it would take months of smooth taking and maybe a little whining, but he'd have good ole Starsk back in the woods on another trip. 'Ooops, he's talking again, better pay attention'  
  
"Yeah, either I'm getting use to the smell or all this washing is having a positive effect". He had noticed improvement immediately after washing out his poor eyes for about twenty minutes at the first gas station. Each station and wash up had provided relief and improvement in both eyes and nose. "Are ya sure I need to bathe in tomatoes?"  
  
"Oh, yes. Definitely" And under his breath added "Until I can get a hold of a vet or some one to find out for sure if that stuff really works."  
  
"What was that?"  
  
"Um, nothing, just, uh, humming to myself" 'Whew, dodged a bullet there!'  
  
"Hmmm" Starsky was not convinced, but was too tired to argue. "Where is this motel?"  
  
"Just ahead three quarters of a mile and on the right, according to that guy back there"  
  
"Good, mm tired"  
  
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In that same small town were two brothers that were up to no good. Harry and Duane Biggs were small time B&E "Artists" Harry, the elder of the two, had decided that tonight, they would move up to the next step Hold-up Artists. He liked tacking on the word "Artist", it just sounded more professional. Harry firmly believed in taking small steps to accomplish his goals. And Harry was the brains of the outfit. His fingers drummed the steering wheel. The question on Harry's mind was who to hold up?  
  
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"We're here"  
  
"Some here" Starsky slumped down even further in the seat, sulking.  
  
"Look, Gordo, it's the only place open. And there is a 'VACANCY' sign!"  
  
"Yeah, but no tomato sauce of soup or whatever to bath in. Why stop? Why don't we just go the rest of the way home?"  
  
"Sure. And stink up our respective apartments. No thanks."  
  
"Oh"  
  
"Yeah, oh"  
  
"This looks like a fine establishment" Starsky rolled his eyes.  
  
"Do you honestly think that they would let us in a three star or four star hotel smelling like we do? Huh?"  
  
"Nope"  
  
"Okay then" Hutch pulled in next to the motel office. "I'll go in"  
  
"Why you? What's wrong with me?"  
  
"You took a direct hit from a skunk. I didn't"  
  
"Grrr"  
  
"Did you just growl at me?"  
  
"I'm tired."  
  
"Ooookayy, um, I'll just be a minute. Hey give me some money"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Um, you're paying for your own room"  
  
"Again, why" He arched an eyebrow and fixed Hutch with hard look.  
  
"I um, don't want to um, smellyouallnightlong" Hutch rushed the words together.  
  
"WHAT!?" Starsky glared at his soon-to-be former best friend.  
  
"Ah, I'll be right back" Hutch dashed off to the office. He entered to office and rang the bell for service, as dictated by the hand written sign on the reception desk.  
  
"Yeah, whadda want?" The sleepy clerk ambled into the reception area, scratching his butt through his night shirt.  
  
'Oh, that's attractive' Hutch thought. "I would like a room with two beds, please" Best to appease his friend or he would never hear the end of it.  
  
The clerk slowly blinked at him then looked him up and down and gave a loud sniff. "We're full"  
  
"The sign says 'vacancy'" Hutch glanced over his shoulder to the nearly vacant parking lot. Only a few vehicles were parked in front of the rooms.  
  
"Oh" The clerk reached down and flicked a switch. "There, that should do it"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
The clerk pointed out to the sign near the road.  
  
The neon sign now said 'NO VACANCY'. The clerk shuffled back into the room he had come out of.  
  
"SHIT!" Disgruntled Hutch stomped off to his car. He got in and slammed the door, stopping the annoying blare of the car horn. He dropped his head tiredly to his chest.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"A skunk"  
  
"Whadda mean 'a skunk'?" He looked about for another killer skunk that might be out to get him.  
  
"You got sprayed and now we can't get a room at the inn"  
  
"You mean..."  
  
"Yep"  
  
"SHIT!"  
  
Hutch pulled out of the lot and started down the road. In the rear view mirror he saw the the word 'NO' disappear from in front of the neon 'VACANCY'  
  
"Did you see that!" Starsky had glanced back just in time to see the same thing his partner had.  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"Well, we ought ta go back and talk to him!"  
  
"Starsk, I don't think that your brand of 'talk' will get us anything but trouble" Hutch sighed, defeated.  
  
"Well-"  
  
Hutch put his hand up to silence his friend. "Let's just find a place to park the car; I'm just too tired to drive any further tonight."  
  
Starsky reluctantly agreed.  
  
Hutch pulled into an alley (probably the only ally this dinky town had) he thought.  
  
They flipped a coin. Starsky won and got the back seat. Hutch folded himself into the front and attempted to get comfortable as possible to try to get some shut eye until morning. A soft snore came from the back seat, letting Hutch know his partner had fallen sleep.  
  
TBC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 


	4. Kitty Chapter 4

Kitty Chapter #4  
  
Hutch awoke to the sounds of someone tapping on the LTD's window. Starsky awoke mid snore.  
  
"DRIVER, step out of the car – SLOWLY- keep your hands were I can see them!" A voice hollered at them.  
  
"WHAT the HELL?!" They said in unison as they looked at each other over the LTD's seat, confusion in their eyes. They then peered out the windows of the car to squint into the flashlights of two uniformed police officers.  
  
"PASSENGER- Get your hands up where we can see them! Do not make any sudden moves!"  
  
"DRIVER! You will NOT be told again! GET OUT OF THE CAR! SLOWLY!"  
  
"Alright, alright! I'm comin', I'm comin'" Hutch's spine sent annoyed pains throughout his whole back, his legs added their protests to the growing chorus of bodily complaints. Man, he felt a hundred years old.  
  
"What the hell did we do?!" Starsky shook his head in bewilderment. "Is vagrancy a major crime in this town?!"  
  
"Calm down Starsk, we'll get this squared away in a jiffy" Hutch stood up after exiting the car.  
  
"DRIVER, turn around and face the car! Put your hands on top of the hood!"  
  
Hutch complied.  
  
"Driver, put your hands on your head, lace your fingers together behind your head!"  
  
Hutch did as ordered. Quickly he was handcuffed with his hands behind his back.  
  
"Whew, man! You guys reek! You two been out wrestling skunks, or something?" The younger cop laughed nervously as he steered Hutch towards the squad car.  
  
"As a matter of fact, yes" Hutch replied "It was only one skunk though"  
  
"Passenger..." The cop gave similar directions to Starsky, who also complied. Getting shot by two nervous small town cops was not his idea of a fun filled vacation event. It might just be better then camping though... Hmmm...  
  
"What is this all about?" Starsky had waited until both he and Hutch were handcuffed so the local PD would calm down enough to speak to them. Once explanations were given, they where sure to be on their way in no time flat.  
  
"You are under arrest..."  
  
"No kidding?!" Starsky glanced at Hutch and rolled his eyes.  
  
"...For ARMED ROBBERY" The older of the two officers snapped.  
  
They looked at each other shocked. Starsky spoke up "Now just a minute..."  
  
"You have the right ..."  
  
"We KNOW our RIGHTS!" Starsky interrupted the officer, "we are detectives from Bay City. "I'm Sgt. David Starsky; this is my partner, Sgt. Ken Hutchin-"  
  
"... to remain SILENT and to..." Roy took a deep breath; Curly was getting on his nerves with these interruptions.  
  
"...refuse to answer questions... yeah, yeah, WE KNOW! We have done this hundreds of times..."  
  
"Anything you do say may be..."  
  
"...used against you in a court of law." Starsky finished the sentence.  
  
"Hey, Fred, it looks we got ourselves a couple of hard core, hard ass criminals" Roy, the older of the officers said to his partner. "You two have a seat in the squad here and we'll just have a look see in your car. Fred, check their car. I'll radio this in" Roy kept his gun on the two suspects and made the call.  
  
"Jesus H Christ! It smells like a bunch of skunks lives in here. I think I'm gonna puke!" Fred's eyes were tearing up from the stink. It sucked being the rookie cop; you got stuck with doing all the shitty parts of the job. "ROY! Check this out!" Fred had found Starsky's beretta in his backpack in the back seat of the LTD and Hutch's magnum on the driver's side floor, under the front seat, still in its holster.  
  
"Concealed weapons, this is getting to be quite interesting" Said Roy.  
  
"We are DETECTIVES with the Bay City Police Department! We are permitted to carry concealed weapons! It's part of the JOB!" Starsky dug his hand into his back pocket for his wallet. "We do have our IDs, here..." He flapped his wallet from behind his back and turned slightly to get their attention on it.  
  
Roy looked at the wallet; there was indeed a badge and a Bay City police ID card in it. He had taken Hutch's ID as well and looked it over. "These could be fake and it could be that you two are slumming it"  
  
"What the HELL is that suppose to mean?" snapped Hutch.  
  
"We'll discuss it at the station"  
  
"I think we should discuss it NOW!"  
  
Roy shook his head at Hutch. "No, later" Turning to the rookie, "Fred, lock up the car, we'll have Sam tow it to our lot."  
  
In short order, they found themselves in the local lockup. There were just two cells. The one cell had a couple of locals in it; the other now held them. The local drunks complained bitterly about the skunk smell. Starsky and Hutch bitterly complained about the old beer, vomit and urine smell.  
  
"I can't believe that they think WE robbed that damned fleabag motel! And they think that we would be so dammed stupid as to park in an alley in the same damn town and simply go to SLEEP!" Starsky threw up his hands. "These people are just nuts!"  
  
"Don't forget that we were driving an LTD, the same type of car the two REAL suspects were said to be driving."  
  
"We still have our one phone call a piece to make. Dobey is one, who you gonna call?"  
  
"A veterinarian" Hutch said he sat down on one of the two cots.  
  
"Why, are you sick?" Starsky stopped his pacing for a second and smirked at Hutch.  
  
"Oh, ha, ha Starsk. No, I have an idea on how to get us out of this"  
  
"What's that? Wait..." Starsky thought for a second, and then it dawned on him. "Oooh, that's good Hutch!"  
  
They exchanged a knowing smile. They would be out of jail in no time.  
  
TBC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 


	5. Kitty Chapter 5

Kitty Chapter #5  
  
"Say Roy, what did you mean when you said to the blond that they 'could be slumming it' " Fred poured a cup of coffee for himself and started to pace the floor. This arrest just didn't seem right. Not that he had made many arrests to really judge this one by.  
  
"Well, I've heard of cops going bad, ya know? Maybe these jokers thought that they would just come up to our town, knock over a business, in this case a motel, and head back to the big city and no one would be the wiser." Roy tilted back in his chair, his hands wrapped around a cup of coffee.  
  
"Well, they didn't head back to the city. I just overheard them in the cell and Curly was saying that we'd have to be stupid to think that they would just rob a place and then take a nap just up the road. He's right. It just doesn't make sense." Fred leaned against the desk.  
  
"Fred, never underestimate the stupidity of criminals" Roy replied sagely.  
  
"Never overestimate the stupidity of certain people who make snap decisions without knowing all the facts." Fred muttered.  
  
"What was that?" Roy looked up over the rim of his coffee cup.  
  
"Nothing"  
  
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The Biggs brothers were having an amazing run of luck. They had robbed the motel without a hitch. They had been followed by a cop car for a short while after words, but nothing came of that either, it had pulled a u-turn and screeched off with lights and siren blaring. Harry finger combed his hair. The stocking cap that he had worn during the heist had flattened it.  
  
"Well, how much did we get?"  
  
Duane finished counting "Two hundred and thirty-five dollars and thirteen cents"  
  
"That's it? We can't even pay rent with that!" He began to drum his fingers on the steering wheel.  
  
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"Hey! Officer! H E L L O O O!" Starsky called. It was way past time for them to make their phone calls. "What the hell do ya think the hold up is?" He said to Hutch as he paced the small cell.  
  
"Could you please NOT say 'Hold up' while we are in jail, as suspects, for a HOLD UP, please? Starsk? Could you do that for me? Huh?" Hutch pinched the bridge of his nose 'My kingdom for an aspirin' he thought. 'Make that four aspirins'  
  
"What's your problem, Hutch? I want outta here and I wanna see you little plan in action"  
  
"Well, there's not a lot of 'action' to this plan"  
  
"I know but..." The door leading to the cell area opened just then, interrupting Starsky.  
  
"What seems to be the problem here?" the younger of their two arresting officers asked as he poked his head into the hallway. His words were met with a chorus of complaints from the drunks and the detectives.  
  
"Excuse me, but we would like to make our calls, please" Hutch strove to be heard over the din. He would be polite, at least until the calls had been made. After that though... "Are there any local veterinarians? And could I have their phone numbers?"  
  
"It's three o'clock in the morning..." Fred held his nose against the smells that wafted his way.  
  
"I'm not interested in what time it is, I am just interested those phone numbers" Hutch quipped. 'Better tone it down, I need his help' "Please? It would be really helpful"  
  
"Number. There's only one vet in this town" Fred replied. He liked these two. He would help them out as much as possible. Officer Roy Palmer was such a pompous ass, so Fred had taken it on himself to contact the Bay City Police department; he was given the name of Captain Harold Dobey as the detectives' superior. A return call from him should clear the air – in more ways then one- and perhaps these two would be on their way. He left to look up the vet's number and he wondered what the hell they wanted a vet for.  
  
In short order Starsky and Hutch were brought out to make their respective phone calls. Each had one hand cuffed to a heavy wooded desk. As it was a small town, there was just the one phone line to the station. Hutch called the local vet and soon had the man agreeing to come down to the Police station.  
  
Officer Palmer's phone rang before Starsky could make his call. Roy picked it up and after explaining to Dobey that his men had been arrested and for what, Roy found himself confronted with an extremely unhappy and loud Captain Dobey.  
  
"What in the HELL is going on up there? Who the hell are you to be arresting my men?" The tirade went on for a while. Dobey was so loud that Officer Palmer had to hold the phone far from his ear. Everyone in the room heard Captain Dobey and every word he hollered. He pointed out several large errors in Palmer's theory on who robbed the motel and further impressed upon Officer Palmer that "His men" should be released immediately, before Dobey started pressing some charges himself.  
  
Hutch whispered to Starsky "Well, maybe my plan won't be needed. I think Dobey just handled getting us out of here." Starsky nodded.  
  
Officer Palmer was thoroughly dressed down and red faced by the end of the phone call. He shot hot daggered looks at his rookie partner. Fred turned away, embarrassed.  
  
At that moment, the veterinarian Todd Mills entered the station. "PHEW!" I think I know what the trouble is."  
  
Fred, happy to do something other then avoid his partner's angry gaze went to greet the vet. "Detectives' Hutchinson and Starsky, I'd like you to meet the town vet, Todd Mills"  
  
"Doctor Mills, I can't tell you how happy I am to meet you. Obviously, we have questions on getting rid of skunk odor but before that, is it possible to get rid of smell, or hide it by using perfume or some other form of deodorant?" Hutch asked.  
  
"No. Absolutely not, though it smells like you tried." He winked at Starsky.  
  
Starsky turned and glared at Hutch "It's that damned girl shampoo ya gave me, I knew it wouldn't work!"  
  
"So, if we went into some place to buy something, the clerk would notice the odor, correct?"  
  
"Correct. Even to someone with the worst kind of head cold, you two gentleman are readily detectable"  
  
"So, there is no way that we could get rid of this odor in say a 6 hour period?"  
  
"No, not unless you cleaned up properly and even then, whenever you get wet, the odor will come back. Not as strong, but it comes back. It will be a week or so before the smell goes away entirely and that's only with the proper clean up."  
  
"And without proper clean up?"  
  
"Could be a month or more"  
  
"What about that stuff about tomato soup?" Starsky inquired.  
  
"First off, it's tomato juice. What is actually happening in this home remedy is that because with the high doses of skunk musk, the human olfactory system goes into fatigue, olfactory fatigue. When this happens, the smell of tomato juice is easily detected. So, the person just thinks that the odor is neutralized by the tomato juice. It's like your nose just gets tired of smelling the skunk and can't smell it anymore. The tomato juice is a different scent and CAN be detected. But someone just walking onto the scene will readily be able to detect the skunk smell as their nose is fresh, so to speak" Doctor Mills concluded. "Skunk musk is an acid, so you have to use a base or neutralizing solution to eliminate it."  
  
"In English, please Doc" Starsky interrupted.  
  
"Okay, get yourself some baking soda, hydrogen peroxide, dish soap. Make a paste. Apply the mixture to your skin and hair. Let sit for 5 to 10 minutes, and then wash it off. Repeat this in about two hours as the chemicals in the skunk spray will continue to convert to a smelly byproduct."  
  
"And this works?"  
  
"Sure, I used it on my Black Lab when he got skunked. One small hitch though, he was a Chocolate Lab when I finally finished with him."  
  
Starsky pulled down some curls and fixed them with a hard look. "I don't wanna be a blond, no offence Hutch"  
  
"Well, it's this or stink for a month or more. No dating for a month. Do ya think you can handle it?" Hutch laughed.  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
"Oh, and might I suggest breath mints."  
  
"Breath mints? Why?" Starsky was confused.  
  
"With that close a hit and you must have gotten it point blank, your breath smells skunky." The vet smiled. "The same thing happened to my Lab."  
  
"WHAT!" Starsky turn to Hutch "Just WHEN were ya going to tell me that? Or were you NOT going to tell me at all?!"  
  
"Heh, Heh, um, well I..." 'Oops! Busted!'  
  
"YOU weren't going to tell me, were ya?!"  
  
Hutch had the grace to look ashamed.  
  
'Better change the subject' Hutch thought. "Thanks doc!" Hutch shook the vet's hand. "We appreciate your assistance in this matter."  
  
"Well, there is a small matter of the bill"  
  
"Bill?" Hutch gulped, he hadn't thought of that.  
  
"Let's see..." The vet scribbled down some notes and handed the bill to Hutch.  
  
"FIFTY DOLLARS!!! What the hell for?"  
  
"Twenty-five dollars for the house call and twenty-five for the advice. You will also have to keep in mind that you got me up at 3 a.m." The vet put out his hand.  
  
"Ya know, Starsk, you should be the one paying the vet."  
  
"Why should I pay the man? I didn't call him" He grinned at his friend. "And, ya didn't tell me about my breath" He leaned back in the chair and hooked his free hand in his pocket.  
  
"Fred, could you hand me my wallet, please" Hutch said through gritted teeth. He reluctantly handed the bills over to the vet.  
  
"Nice doing business with you." The vet nodded at Hutch and Starsky, he then left the station.  
  
"Yeah, your welcome" Hutch dropped his head into his hand.  
  
Starsky looked over at his partner, then turned to Officer Palmer "So, Officer Roy, about releasing us... As you can see, or smell, there is no way we could be the ones behind the robbery. The statement given by the victim says nothing of the skunk odor. An expert agrees that anyone, even someone with a severe cold would have noticed the scent. The case against us is circumstantial and lies solely with the fact that we were in an LTD, as were the suspects. And, you have our names, badge numbers and addresses. We can be contacted through the Bay City police department should there be any further questions."  
  
"How the HELL do you know what the witness statements say?!" An angry and exasperated Roy rounded on Starsky.  
  
"I read them. They are on top of your desk." Starsky eyed Roy. The officer was getting near the edge and Starsky knew he would have to be careful of how much he pushed the man.  
  
Roy looked down on his desk. Indeed, the statements were there, the folders were open and momentarily forgotten by Roy. He gathered the statements, flipped the fold closed. "SHIT! You son of a bitch!" He raised his right arm as though to back-hand Starsky.  
  
Both Starsky and Hutch stood up and fixed Roy with a hard gaze. Starsky made ready to defend himself and Hutch made ready to defend his partner.  
  
"That would most certainly be a most unwise decision" Hutch stated.  
  
"Police brutality even, as I'm still handcuffed to this desk." Starsky added.  
  
Roy dropped his arm. "Fred, release them." Officer Palmer gathered up the statements. Shit rolls down hill so Roy turned on Fred "Fred, you shouldn't have called their captain that's... that's..."  
  
"Circumnavigation of authority" Hutch supplied.  
  
"Circumcise who?" Starsky piped in.  
  
"Not circumcise, circumnavigation, it means to go around, in this case not following the chain of command."  
  
"Oh, we do that ALL the time! Its s'not such bad a thing" Starsky grinned.  
  
Roy ignored the two detectives "Fred, your ass is grass and I the lawn mower! You are gonna be out of a job!"  
  
Hutch turned to Fred, who had just released his hand from the desk. "Fred, no guarantees, but we will put in a good word for you at Bay City. That's if you want to work for a REAL police department"  
  
"That goes double for me" Starsky said to Fred as his hand was released.  
  
"You can't DO that!" Roy snapped.  
  
"Watch us" Hutch rubbed his wrist where the cuff had been.  
  
"Weren't you listening? We do this ALL the time. What's once more?"  
  
Roy glared in turn at each of the three men. "JUST GET OUT!"  
  
"Fine with us" Starsky retorted.  
  
Fred handed them their personal effects and weapons and walked the two outside.  
  
"Fred, a word of advice, though we are very happy you helped us, it's never a good thing to go against your partner. You should have talked with him first. Told him of your concerns or doubts. Communication is very important to a great partnership." Hutch shook Fred's hand.  
  
"I'll remember that!" Fred waved at them as they headed to the dumpy LTD. It was good advice, Fred would remember. He would also be contacting the Bay City PD and look in to working there. His job here would not be worth keeping now.  
  
TBC xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 


	6. Kitty Chapter 6

Kitty Chapter 6  
  
"That kid's got good instincts" Starsky commented as they strolled to the LTD. "Get him with the right partner and he should go far."  
  
"Yep, I hope he takes our advice" Hutch opened his door, the horn blared, he winced and got in and shut it. Leaning over, he unlocked the rider's door.  
  
"When are ya gonna get that damn thing fixed?" Starsky carped as he got in.  
  
"Never! Its part of the LTD's charm" He smiled at his friend.  
  
"Ain't no charm, nor has there ever been, any charm, to this car"  
  
"Starsk, you're just missing the inner beauty of the LTD" He patted the steering wheel affectionately.  
  
"Ha! Inner beast is more like it! Smells bad too" Starsky rolled the car window down.  
  
"And whose fault is that!" 'OH NO! Why did I say that?!' Hutch mentally slapped himself as he rolled his window down. 'Here we go again!'  
  
"YOURS!"  
  
"Starsky, I'm sorry. I just..." Hutch rubbed his forehead and winced.  
  
"Headache?" Starsky asked. He let the subject drop. He had ridden Hutch enough about the skunk and camping for one day. Tomorrow, however...  
  
"Mm fine"  
  
"Want me to drive?" Starsky waggled his eyebrows at the blond.  
  
He rolled his eyes "No, I'm good" and put the car in gear.  
  
Starsky leaned over and checked the fuel gauge "A little low, why don't we go back to that station on the edge of town?" Hutch needed some aspirin. And if Hutch needed it, he would get it. Hopefully that station would have some.  
  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Harry had decided that more money was needed. 'Gotta pay rent' He continued to drum the steering wheel. He did not want to push his luck. But tomorrow was the 5th, rent was due. If they didn't pay in full today, they would have to pay extra for each day they were late. They might get into trouble, if they were late paying rent.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hutch drove to the edge of town and prepared to turn into the gas station's lot. Turn signal on, he saw something that caught his eye and he stopped the car in the middle of the road.  
  
"What's goin' on?" Starsky looked at the blond.  
  
"Don't look at me, look there" Hutch whispered and pointed to the gas station office.  
  
"A light brown LTD... Ya don't think..." Starsky whispered back.  
  
They exchanged a look.  
  
"It's them!"  
  
"Gotta be!" Starsky then cocked his head to the side "And why are we whispering? I mean, we're across the street and sitting in a car, they can't hear us"  
  
"Staaarsk" Hutch groaned as he shook his head. He then put the car in gear and moved down the road a piece, out of sight. He backed the car into a driveway and cut the lights.  
  
"Should we radio this in?" They were out of their jurisdiction but they could still contact help, should they need it.  
  
"Yeah, we could, but what if it's not them?"  
  
"Good point. But if we're right, Good old Roy'll have kittens if we nab the culprits in his town... And the odds of three, crappy, light brown LTD's being in the same town at the same time..."  
  
"That would be your version of Hell, wouldn't it, Starsk?"  
  
"Ha! Oh, yeah! Three sets of people, in the same town, at the same time, all with no taste in cars...positively frightening!"  
  
"Boggles the mind!" They grinned at each other.  
  
Their expressions changed and they became all business as they prepared themselves for whatever situation presented its self. They would be ready. They checked their weapons, then moved quietly back towards the gas station.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
The attendant was scared. The ski masked robber pointed a gun in his face and demanded the money from the till. He handed it over. No point in doing anything else. Forty-seven dollars and some change, it wasn't worth it.  
  
"That all you got?" 'Still not enough for rent, damn it!' "Give me the money out of your wallet!" Harry was not gonna pay a late fee. He watched the clerk fumble for his wallet. It was kind of intoxicating, this power he felt, holding a gun on someone and telling them what to do. Better then breaking and entering. Much better. Now, where was that damn dumb brother of his?  
  
Outside, Starsky and Hutch peeked into the station and dropped back down out of sight. They noted the LTD, parked near the entrance with both doors open and the car left running. From their vantage point, they couldn't see anyone in the car. They exchanged looks and parted ways. Hutch headed to the front of the building. Starsky to the back, where the restrooms and rear exit were located.  
  
Hutch crouched low and moved to the car, magnum drawn. He checked it, no one was in it. The one perp was in the station, where the hell was the other guy? He turned the car off and took the keys. He edged back to the building and peeked in through the window again. The robber was motioning to the clerk with his gun. The clerk was fumbling for his wallet.  
  
Starsky snuck around back, keeping close to the building. He heard a toilet flush. Perp number two must have just finished taking a 'number one'. He smiled to himself and moved towards the restroom door, beretta at the ready, safety off.  
  
Duane stepped outside, with his gun in hand (Harry had told him to 'keep it handy') and inhaled the dawn air. Then he wrinkled his nose "Eww, fucking skunk!" He pulled the gun up and looked around for the offending animal. Damn thing was gonna be dead. Harry got to hold people up, alls Duane got to do was watch, well this time he was gonna get to use his gun, even if it was just on a skunk.  
  
Starsky stood up from his crouched position next to the door and put his gun to the man's head "Police! Don't move!"  
  
Duane startled and inadvertently jerked his finger, the gun went off. Scared, he dropped it.  
  
"Oookay, don't move AGAIN!" Apparently this perp was a little slow. Starsky kicked the gun away. "Hands against the wall and spread 'em!"  
  
Meanwhile out front, Hutch heard the shot, as did his suspect. His heart sped up. That wasn't a beretta and there was no other shot. SHIT! His suspect ran out the door, Hutch tripped him and had him cuffed in record time. "STARSKY!" 'Please let him be ok!'  
  
"What?" Starsky appeared from around the corner of the building with his suspect in tow.  
  
"Christ! You scared the shit outta me!"  
  
Starsky grinned fondly at his partner and ruffled his hair "S'okay Hutch!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a lot of phone calls, a mountain of paperwork, much explaining and several dirty looks from their new "friend" Officer Palmer, they left for home.  
  
Hours later, with a bag full of skunk musk removal supplies for each of them, Hutch dropped Starsky off in front of his apartment.  
  
God! Had it been only twenty-four hours since he and Hutch had left to go camping? He rolled his head around, trying to loosen the knot that had formed in the back of his neck. He let out an exhausted sigh and dropped his head to his chest. Then something, a movement caught his eye. Something small. Something black and white. Something that was moving towards him. "SHIT! Not AGAIN!" Starsky bolted to his apartment as fast as his Addis could carry him.  
  
A very confused cat sat down on the sidewalk and watched the human run from it.

"Meow?" It gave a cat version of a shrug and sauntered off.  
  
The END


End file.
